The number of people embarking on expat lives increases every year. Often, you move when you and your loved ones are young, and travel is easy.

But what happens when your parents age and may have increasing care needs?

This can be difficult even if you live around the corner, but if thousands of miles separate you, managing and supporting them may be even more challenging.

How can you maintain relationships and support ageing parents while living on other continents? Every situation will be unique, but this list is a starting point that emphasizes the two most important factors in caring for parents as an expat: communication and planning.

Here are some ways you can help and support:

Stay Connected

Modern forms of communication, such as video calls, phone calls, or messaging apps, can undoubtedly make the distance feel much smaller. Keep in touch through video calls, phone calls, or messaging apps to stay updated on their well-being and any needs they might have.

• Set up scheduled video calls (WhatsApp, Zoom, Skype, etc.) to check-in.
• Encourage them to use messaging apps for easier daily communication.
• If they struggle with technology, arrange for a local friend or family member to help them get set up.

• Take a step back in time. For some older people whose sight may be deteriorating or with dementia who may forget how to use more modern technology, you may have to revert to phone calls, and maintaining contact will take more time, effort, and planning.

Arrange Local Support

• Friends & Family: If you have other relatives or close friends nearby, ask them to check in on your loved one.
• Care Services: If needed, explore home care services like Age UK, private caregivers, or the NHS social care system.
• Community Support: Connect them with local community groups, religious organizations, or social clubs.

Financial Assistance (If needed)

• Help manage bills or expenses by setting up direct payments.
• Ensure they receive any government benefits or pensions to which they are entitled.

Medical & Healthcare Support

Assessing whether elderly loved ones need care and support can be difficult from a distance. We all want to maintain our dignity and independence for as long as possible, so you may not get the full story when you chat. If you have not lived in England for a while, you may be unaware of how adult health and social care work.

• Help them book medical appointments online or over the phone.
• If necessary, arrange for a local carer or friend to accompany them.
• Keep copies of important medical records and emergency contacts.

Legal & Administrative Help

Assist with managing their legal affairs, paperwork, and administrative tasks, especially if they need assistance navigating bureaucracy or paperwork.

• Lasting Powers of Attorney for Finance & Property and Health & Welfare will make life much easier for them and you.
• If they can also be encouraged to write a “living will” to accompany these, stating their preferences for how they would like their end-of-life care managed, that is also very helpful.
• It is so important to make clear plans for the care of a surviving spouse or partner and have an up-to-date will.
• Remember that dementia, an accident, or an infection may suddenly make a person incapable of making their future wishes known, even if this “lack of capacity” is temporary.
• Help with online paperwork, banking, or other necessary administrative tasks remotely. Be aware that some systems will block access abroad to reduce fraud risks.

Plan Visits When Possible

• Holidays/Travel: These may have been a way to maintain regular in-person gatherings, but older people may be unable to travel because of physical disabilities or mental health issues. Older people often lose their confidence as well. The cost-of-living crisis also impacts many people, and travel is becoming increasingly expensive.

• Schedule regular trips to England to spend quality time with them and assess their needs if possible.
• If travel isn’t frequent, consider arranging for a trusted relative, friend, or Independent Advocate to visit them on your behalf.

Provide Emotional Support

• Ageing parents may also need emotional support. Listen to their concerns, provide reassurance, and encourage them to stay connected with friends and family.
• Encourage them to stay socially active through local clubs or hobbies.
• Send thoughtful gifts, letters, or care packages to remind them they are loved.
• Be patient and understanding if they express feelings of loneliness or frustration.

Moving Home

Discuss with them the possibility of moving from a large family home with a high-maintenance garden and impractical bathroom well before this is necessary. If that isn’t possible, discuss how the home could be modified so they can stay there for as long as possible.

Engage an Independent Advocate
We can provide you and your loved one with practical support and advice. We can be there when you can’t. We are happy to work around time zones to have telephone or Zoom calls that work for you.

Be Kind to Yourself
Each situation is unique, so finding a balance between these approaches can be key to effectively supporting your parents from afar.

Being a carer is stressful, whether you live near or far. Take time to look after yourself, enjoy your life, and try to keep things in perspective.

Encourage your loved ones to plan for their old age proactively. There is never a “right time”, but tender conversations can be started*. Is there someone you trust who still lives near your loved ones who can act as an intermediary and/or see what is happening on the ground?

 

We can help you to have more peace of mind.

Book a free call here

*Kathryn Mannix – Listen – How to find the words for tender conversations.